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13 August 2007 @ 06:04 pm
Novel: New Preface  
So, after much consideration and thought, I have re-written the entire prologue to my novel. What you guys already read I'm moving into the first chapter. So any comments you have about the new beginning would be fantastic. Feedback keeps me alive :-)



"My only love sprung from my only hate; too early unknown and known too late.”
Romeo & Juliet, Act I, Scene V


My lips parted in a silent scream as two sets of fangs sank into the warm flesh of my throat, puncturing the vein that pulsed steadily to the beat of my heart.

My hands found his chest and I tried in vain to push him away, but for all the progress I was making, I could have been trying to move a brick wall.

I struggled in his arms, not so willing to die anymore. This isn’t how I had pictured my end, or imagined my beginning. I had wanted this not so long ago, wanted it with every fiber of my being, but now that the moment had arrived, I was uncertain.

The ground beneath my feet seemed determined to drag me down, and I felt myself slowly slipping away.

It’s a strange experience, dying, Never in a million years had I imagined anything like this. I could feel the blood leaving my body, slowly ticking away the moments I had left, or which there were precious few. My head was spinning, and darkness tugged at the very edge of my consciousness.

I called for him then, but my voice sounded hollow, quiet amidst the screams echoing in the chasm of my empty head. I needed him to know that I had chosen my path, one that lay with him, but this is not how I had wanted it to go.

His fangs should have been the ones draining the life from me, his eyes that I could see so clearly in the oppressing gloom, his lips against my skin.

But he was a coward. He had left me here to die a most tragic death, and my heart shattered, shards of lost hope ripping my insides to shreds, twisting my stomach into irreversible knots.

I felt empty, trapped inside this defeated sack of bones that had once been my body. With a head full of memories, the more painful ones rising to the surface, I drew in a shuddering breath, feeling completely and utterly alone.

I couldn’t die like this. He would expect more from me. I needed to be brave; I needed to reign in my fear if I was going to outrun death.

And then the numbness settled in.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and called out once more, my will to live suddenly gone. I hadn’t expected a reply, and was thankful I could at least predict this one last minor detail of my human life.

As expected, there was no response. Just a deadening silence that began to drift over me, sending chills down my spine.

Pain rippled through my body, but I was hardly aware of it anymore. I wondered if the vampire still lapping at my blood could read minds. I remembered reading somewhere, a long, long time ago, that they could.

Could you go any faster? I begged. I was kind of hoping death would be short and sweet.

Perhaps he had heard me, or maybe the hunger had truly taken over, because the darkness began to close in quickly now. I said a silent ‘thanks,’ and could have sworn that the cool lips pressed against my skin turned upward slightly.

And then there was nothing.
Current Music: Debussy - Valse Romantique
zoobiechatzoobiechat on August 13th, 2007 11:53 pm (UTC)
This really pulled me in...fast! I like the line "..not so willing to die anymore." I got a little confused between "I was alone" and "I wonderered if the vampire still lapping..." Was he really gone or was she just not aware of his presence? And me likey the new title.
SamanthaNicole: BT (Blow me away)randomlaughter on August 14th, 2007 03:00 am (UTC)
Oh Amy, how I look forward to your comments.

First of all, I fixed your main concern about the "being alone" situation. Hopefully the confusion is cleared.

Also, I'm glad you like the new title! I have a list about two pages long of possible titles, and I settled on this one after much consideration. I figure, when this one gets published (because it will), if it does well, I can write a sequel titled Bloodless. Aren't I clever? Haha. Or maybe that's just lame, I'm not sure.

So do you think this is a better opener than what I had earlier?
zoobiechatzoobiechat on August 14th, 2007 03:13 am (UTC)
Gosh, thanks. I do like this one better. The other draws you in slowly and then hits with the whamos and this one sucks you in fast, if that makes sense. Me likey both titles now, too. And yes, no longer confused. I just hope you remember the little people...lol...Amy
SamanthaNicole: House (God)randomlaughter on August 14th, 2007 03:36 am (UTC)
That's what I'd been afraid of. My friend Monica said it began too much like an actual chapter and not as much like a prologue. Which is why I created this instead, with the intention of combining what I'd written as the previous prologue with what I'd written for chapter one thus far.

So now I just have to find a way to seamlessly combine the two, finish chapter 1, and will then have them posted over at FictionPress.com.

I'm so glad you've read all my crap so far, haha. Thanks so much!
Magessdarkmagess on August 14th, 2007 11:30 am (UTC)
Well, it's certainly interesting. :)
SamanthaNicole: SVU (Running)randomlaughter on August 14th, 2007 03:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Lora. It's really good of you to read it, I'm more than appreciative!
longlostnitelonglostnite on August 16th, 2007 01:17 am (UTC)
New Intro
I liked the first one, but didn't have a chance to comment (real life being such a pain and all) but this one is outstanding. You really pulled me in right off the bat and got me interested. Not easy for me. I tend to be picky. Can't wait to see the next! I'll send you my prologue in just a little bit, I'm almost done editing myself to death!
SamanthaNicole: BT (Donut)randomlaughter on August 16th, 2007 03:54 pm (UTC)
Re: New Intro
I'm looking forward to your prologue!

And I'm glad you approve of this one. I think it's a much better prologue, as much as prologues are concerned. What I'd written before was definitely more of an actual chapter-opener.
longlostnitelonglostnite on August 17th, 2007 02:30 am (UTC)
Re: New Intro
Oops! I just sent you the wrong draft as an attached file! You'll see the revised edition and hopefully it's much better. Can't wait to see your next. I've been reading your short stories and they're really good! Your novel will probably be even better!
SamanthaNicole: BT (Beat the odds)randomlaughter on August 17th, 2007 06:59 am (UTC)
Re: New Intro
Mmm, thanks :-)

Which email did you send it to? Because my school account's been rather slow, so I haven't gotten it yet if you sent it there.

And don't edit yourself to death yet. I can guarantee you'll be doing more of it later.
longlostnitelonglostnite on August 17th, 2007 03:37 pm (UTC)
My Prologue
I finally think I don't hate it. It's posted at longlostnite. Please read when you get the chance and let me know what you think!
SamanthaNicolerandomlaughter on August 19th, 2007 07:14 pm (UTC)
Re: My Prologue
Which one is it? I'm assuming the untitled one, since that was posted last. I'll figure it out.

I promise to read it when I get home from work tonight.